And I’m not just referring to the rampant ending of sentences with prepositions.
I’m talking about incidences like the one described today in my local newspaper’s Police Report:
Birthday Cake Fight Turns Into Baseball Bat Attack
A 29-year-old Golden Gate Estates man was arrested Thursday after a
cake fight at a weekend birthday party turned into an attack with
a baseball bat, Collier County sheriff’s deputies said. Partygoers
said after a cake fight at a birthday celebration Saturday, a real
fight broke out about stolen beer. Two men accused of stealing
the beer then attacked the accusers, according to an arrest report.
The mother of the birthday girl told deputies she saw <name deleted
to protect the stupid>, 29, punch and hit one of the other men
in the head with a baseball bat, causing him to bleed. A second man
said <name deleted> also punched him in the throat, the report said.
It seems that these people are not aware of certain mutual exclusivites that exist – or that should exist – in this world. Such as the following, which, I repeat, should ALWAYS be mutually exclusive:
Full-grown, intoxicated men / little girls’ birthday parties
Full-grown, intoxicated men / baseball bats
Beer / little girls’ birthday cakes
But the REAL crime in this story has nothing to do with the beating up of men over accusations of stolen beer. No, the REAL injustice done here is that they were having a cake fight. A cake fight. . .<GASP!> . . . They were WASTING a perfectly good BIRTHDAY CAKE! That, my friends, is simply unforgiveable.